Stuff They Don't Teach You in High School

     Ok friends, if you've hung around me at all lately then you know that I have a list of life rules...

     Now, don't get me wrong, the things I learned in high school were all of great value (well.. maybe except for having to learn how many hydrogen atoms are produced when you mix together a couple beakers of some ethyl-methyl-bad-stuff, but that's besides the point). However, I strongly believe that there are some lessons in life that you just can't find in a textbook. Up until recently, I chose not to share any of this knowledge I have gained with anyone else for fear that..well.. people would think it's dumb. But apparently, the little tidbits I have shared have been a big hit and have seemed to resonate in the lives of quite a few people. These people have asked for more tidbits (God bless them..) so I have developed an official list of K-rock's Rules to Live By. And here we go...

1. ALL women are crazy. Granted, some are waaaaayy worse than others, but when it all comes down to it, there are no exceptions to this rule.
2. ALL men (again, some more often than others) will at some point think with a body part other than their brain. I think you know what I'm talking about here... *** Note: this rule has been modified seeing as how I know most people reading this are not in the fire service and don't appreciate the foul language that has become common-place in the firehouse.
3. Always work what you've got
4. Always come prepared
5. Always have a back up plan
6. Be willing to try things twice. You may have messed it up the first time
7. Always pay attention, fool! Carelessness is the root of all failure
8. Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics
9. First impressions are completely worthless 50% of the time
10. BS-ing might get you what you want, but it sure won't let you keep it for very long
11. You will at multiple times in your life find yourself in deep doo-doo. Learn when to own up to it and when to keep your mouth shut
12. Remember that pregnancy can also be counted as an STD
13. Actions speak louder than words. If they have to tell you they're good, they probably aren't
14. Never, never, EVER never ask a woman if she is pregnant unless she is in the act of giving birth
15. Nobody is normal. You are no exception to this rule. End of story.
16. Women may be crazy, but they are not stupid
17. Don't be rude to people who handle your food. You'll wind up with "special sauce"
18. Life is not fair, but life is not fair for everyone. So suck it up
19. Leave no evidence
20. If keeping it a secret is that big of a deal, then you probably shouldn't be doing it anyway
21. If it's not going to matter in a year down the road, then go ahead and let it go
22. If it don't kill you, then it's probably going to hurt like a son-of-a-biscuit-eating-bulldog. But eventually you'll get over it
23. Never take a sleeping pill and a laxative in the same night
24. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car
25. If you absolutely must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before
26. Don't take life too seriously. No one makes it out alive anyway
27. If someone is nice to you but rude to the waiter, they are not really a nice person
28. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program
29. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator
30. It ain't the jeans making your butt look fat....
31. Never lick a steak knife
32. Everyone thinks they're a good driver
33. Some days you're the pigeon, some days you're the statue
34. Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience
35. If a man uses the restroom in a woman's house, he is expected to put the seat down. Likewise, if a woman uses a man's restroom, it is polite to put the seat back up. It's not your house. Leave things the way you found them
36. In reference to #35: if you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie and wipe the seatie
37. Always say "please, thank you, ma'am, and sir." Manners will carry you a long way
38. Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for
39. Friends may come and go but enemies accumulate
40. Remember to floss

     So there they are, friends. Those are K-rock's Rules to Live By. There are more to come, I can almost promise you...unless I'm too lazy to write them down in which case that's it and you're out of luck. I hope maybe one or some or even all of these rules might come in handy for at least a few of you (you know, a few of the 6 of you who read this...)

Night friends!
K-rock