Ok so if you know me, which if you're reading this then you probably do, then you also know that the fire/rescue service has completely taken over my life. I'm pretty ok with that. Just sayin.. And as a young firefighter I tend to pay attention to and soak up just about every tiny piece of knowledge I can wrap my little mind around. One of those little tidbits is a Brunacini quote that has started to pop up pretty frequently..
"Risk a lot to save a lot. Risk little to save little. And risk nothing to save nothing."
To a fireman, this basically means that if saving someone else's life calls for risking your own, do it. That's what you signed on for. If there's a job to be done but there's time to slow down, think about it, and then take a calculated risk, then do so. Take the risk but be smart and only risk what is absolute necessary. And finally, though it may seem very cold, do not risk your life trying to save something or someone that is already gone. One confirmed loss warrants not another, so don't add to or become part of the problem.
With all that said... As I drove back to the Queen City last night from a weekend filled with big, fancy hydraulic gadgets and "blammin' tools," I came across a billboard. This billboard, I'm sure, was meant for me to see. It seemed to advertise nothing at all—there were no well-known slogans or company names or anything. It simply read: "Look back and say 'I'm glad I did.' Not 'I wish I had.'"
So what does this have to do with the quote above? Well.. I am in the long, slow, often uncomfortable process of learning that living life—really living it—means taking risks. I know, I know. Cliché right? But it’s so true! Let me give you an example from my own life…
Early in the spring semester of last school year, I found myself drudging through each day much the same as the one before it. Get up, go to class, go on my athletic training rotation, pretend to do homework until two a.m. but not actually do it, go to bed. That was it. I was complacent and I had settled for that kind of everyday. I had not been truly happy for quite some time and putting on a good show for the people around me was becoming more and more difficult. Those close to me were beginning to see through the happy face I put on, and some began to even call me out on it. My roommate and friend, an athletic trainer on staff (who also became my friend the day I fainted in her office. Long story for another occasion..), and even the guy I was dating at the time all made it known that they could see that I wasn’t happy and wanted, no needed something more. It was then that I decided I could no longer ignore what I had known in my gut for the entire two years I had been at the Webb: this is not where my heart is. I was doing the athletic training thing because it’s what I knew. I was ok at it and even enjoyed it from time to time, but my heart was never in it. At best, I tolerated it. And then I decided to take a risk. A big one..
Shortly after my realization and after much discussion with and advice (most of which I didn’t follow, but that’s besides the point) from my parents and those close to me, I submitted an application for admission to UNC Charlotte. I checked my admission status almost every day until I received notification of my acceptance. And almost at once the plans I once had for my life all changed. No longer did I see myself becoming an athletic trainer, working in a high school, and having the same effect on some poor, unsuspecting students that my high school trainers had on me (a good effect, mind you). Suddenly I saw myself excited about getting up and going to work every day. Suddenly I was excited about my future and not just going along with it. I enrolled at Charlotte and declared a major in fire safety engineering and embarked on my journey toward reaching the goals that were hidden in my heart and not just in my brain.
If you know me, and know me well, you know that a major change like that is HUGE for me. You also know that I don’t do change very well. But the point is that I took a risk. I had to give up a lot that I loved—my friends at the Webb, being comfortable and secure, having a set plan that allowed me to just go through the motions. But I also gained a lot. I gained an excitement that my life was seriously lacking. I gained the confidence in myself to be able to stand on my own two feet, and the confidence that I could withstand major changes in my own life. Those were both things I didn’t have before. I also gained new friends in a new place (that just so happened to be a huge school in a frickin HUGE city…intimidating much? Uh huh..). I risked a lot but I gained a lot.
But I also came to the hard realization, once I got here and hit my stride of course, that making one single change in my life—taking one big risk—doesn’t mean that I won’t have to take more as I grow up and reach for more goals. But the risks I take in the future will be calculated ones. If risking everything means gaining only a little, it probably won’t happen.
BUT I will continue to take risks. That’s just something I’ve had to accept. And when I’m eighty years old (Lord knows, if I even make it that far before dying in some freak snow mobile accident or something) I want to and WILL be able to look back on the things I did in my life and say “I’m glad I did” instead of “I wish I had…”
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